No Fear

So I'm finally admitting that I live in fear...

Fear of whether or not my boss will let me take a week of vaca next week.
Fear of whether or not I'm oversharing as my friend Jenny likes to say.
Fear of what people think of my house when they come over.
Fear of opening up my heart too much in friendships and getting hurt.
Fear of writing something that might eventually be used against me.
Fear of a new friend not liking me.
Fear of a friend not being there when I call and really need to talk.
Fear of getting hurt by a friend.
Fear of not having enough.
Fear of missing a great party.
Fear of not being invited to something.
Fear of not doing my best.
Fear of communicating what's on my heart and being rejected.
Fear of being rejected.
Fear of my life being complicated.
Fear of instability.
Fear of not being cool. (That drinking beer and cussing is cooler than loving God.)

I think some of this comes from the PTSD and my need to try and control things in my life and I think some comes from filling my heart with idols instead of God and lastly from my work with my two former employers. (They both demanded perfection on the first time)

God please take these burdens away from my soul. I trust in Matthew 11:28 that you will make my yoke easy if I turn to You. I'm going to try for the next week to not live in any bit of fear. My hope is that my life will change in the following way because of it...

My house will look drastically different. It might actually look like a home now without so much STUFF! That I will have worked on this blog a lot to get it ready to be released. That I will have read a book and wrote a ton in my journal. That I will choose taking care of me spiritually first and others needs second for a week. That I'll let men pursue me and pursue God before men. That I will love my friends well and allow the Holy Spirit to reign in me. That I will have really faced the PTSD and called on my friends to help me through once I've run to God with all the worries PTSD has brought. That I will pray, pray, pray... about switching churches, speaking to my pastor, for my parents healing, for my friends in relationships considering marriage & simply relationships surrounding my life.