AH... the Ex

So my little brother just moved to Denver last week to be with his girlfriend. He doesn't have a job or a place to live. Which has ignited the big sister in me to call everyone I know who's lived in Denver or lives in Denver and ask them if they can help my brother establish himself there. Totally not their responsibility but it has been helping him to get established a bit quicker. In the process of this I sent an e-mail to my ex boyfriends older sister who lives out in Denver. Honestly I don't know how I didn't think about him for a second when I thought about reaching out to her. She and I established a friendship while I dated her brother but once my relationship with him ended I knew ours had to as well. That is up until this spring when her husband got cancer and they sent me regular updates on how I could be praying for him. When my brother moved after a week or so of trying to rack my brain to think about everyone I knew who lived in Denver I remembered Amanda and decided to shoot her an e-mail to see how her and Johnny were doing since Chemo and ask if they had any friends in the non-profit sector for my brother.

It was great to hear from her. They've had better years. Johnny's company was owned by Lehman Brothers which just went bankrupt so now they are both going to be looking for jobs. Then she gave me an update on their whole family. My ex included. Well people... that came as a shocker for me. I'm not sure how, but I really never anticipated hearing about my ex when I wrote her. So now that I've taken forever to develop this story you should know he's living with his girlfriend. His parents aren't happy about it but Amanda says "she's nice. -I have nothing bad to say". She went on to say, "Mom still misses you and really no girlfriend is tops compared to you. But in the end she is happy you two moved on because she felt you deserved someone better – awful to say as a mother, but I totally agree. No offense to (your ex/my brother), but he’s a bit shallow and we both pray you find someone who truly knows what a treasure he has in you." At the end she said she hoped she hadn't shared too much.

My initial reaction was shock. I'm still processing the rest so thanks for letting me process with you. This relationship was by far the most difficult and has left the greatest impact on my life. Lately I've been praying that I would be able to totally forgive my ex so as to no longer let this relationship effect my life. I think I've made progress but since he and I do not speak it's very difficult to know whether or not I've achieved my goal. A wise person once told me that I'll know I've forgiven him completely when I hear about something good that's happened in his life and my gut reaction was happiness. Amanda also sent a picture of the entire family... I of course I analyzed every bit of the new girlfriends photo. I bet Amanda's right about her being nice. She also looks like an air headed, football cheerleader. So... that's not exactly the best response one could have. Here are some of my other thoughts... it's probably REALLY good for him to live with someone else because that forces you to not be so selfish. Second, I'm happy that he has a girl friend since I now understand why he didn't date too much before me. Third, she looks like she is probably good for him. Let me explain... Because of his line of work this girl is either really, really stinkin' smart or he really did pick her up at a football game. My guess is that she's actually a really intelligent girl. So, because of that I hope that she stands up to him and does not allow him to destroy her heart. My second guess is that she does stand up for herself and that's why they are perfect for each other. I pray that he would want what's best for her and not think of himself first. Conclusion - that he is good, she is good for him and lastly that I'm happy for him since he is good.
Do I have major issues with guys that have egos now? yeah, but in this whole process God has been opening my eyes to see the fine lines of our egos and helping me to have wisdom to discern the egos of those in my life. I do feel like I've mostly forgiven him. In all honesty I think that I've healed... When I read through Amanda's e-mail I cried a bit because I have a hard time believing that I'll find the man they are praying for soon but then my mind quickly changed to questions about how my ex is doing. To me this is a good sign of how far my heart has come. I am genuinely curious about what he's up to these days.